After becoming a mother, I realized that there are many perks associated with this position. Complete strangers will go out of their way to help you out, people in waiting rooms will smile at your baby and strike up interesting conversations with you, shoppers will move you forward in the payment line if your baby is crying, you get special treatment at busy airport immigrations and your friends and family are never upset if you fail to return a call.
All of this is great and brightens up my day, but the greatest benefit that I have discovered of being a mother is that you can blame simply anything, anytime on your baby and everyone, including yourself, will believe it. I don’t know if all mothers do that or if I am in for some serious judgment after this post gets published, but yeah, over the course of one year of my baby’s life, I have held her responsible for numerous things I have been unable to accomplish in my everyday life. Here are a few:
- That load of laundry that needs to be either washed or ironed. In my defense, the laundry baskets in this home are bottomless pits and I never seem to reach the end of them. But every time, The Husband is out of shirts to wear to work or I can’t find BabyZ’s leggings, I blame her. If she would just give me enough time one day, I will wash all the clothes, iron them and organize them in the wardrobes like the domestic diva that I am.
The truth: I hate doing laundry.
- That new spa close to our home that I have been meaning to visit for a mani-pedi. I obviously can’t take my baby to a spa and I have no one to take care of her if I leave her at home. “I am here, I take care of her when you go to the doctor,” says The Husband. “That’s different. She is very cranky these days and will be out of your control and she won’t eat and will poop all over the place. No, I can’t leave her and go.”
The truth: That spa looks very expensive and I will not be able to manage the look of horror on my face when they over-charge me for something I can do at home.
- Ina Garten’s Peach and Blueberry Crumble recipe that I have been meaning to try. The recipe is bookmarked, the grocery list is ready but my baby is not at the stage where I can leave her unattended and go bake in the kitchen! The prep time alone is 20 minutes. You think she gives me 20 minutes in the day? And even if she does, I would rather attend to the bottomless laundry.
The truth: I will have to use the electric mixer and then wash it. Too lazy.
- That chest of drawers in the guest room that needs organizing. I have a ton of things to do when my baby is sleeping and it is impossible to get anything done when she is awake. She is very curious and wants to see what’s in every bag and box or gets very needy when she sees me busy with something.
The truth: I have dumped so much stuff into these drawers, I don’t know where to start.
- The 20 minutes of exercise I have been promising myself for the past 8 months. It’s not safe to leave the treadmill in the living room with a baby on the loose, let’s move it to the guest room where it is out of her way. Now it is out of my way, I can’t cut myself off from where she is and go to the guest room.
The truth: Too lazy.
- The novel I have been reading for the past one and a half year. Again, in my defense, the novel is The Goldfinch and it is around 800 pages long and even though it is awesome, I haven’t met anyone in my life who has finished it. I have been trying but during the day BabyZ jumps into my lap and wants to turn the pages. At night, I am way too exhausted from running after her all day long to focus on such an intense piece of literature.
The truth: It is too heavy and I am afraid it will fall on my face if I fall asleep reading, which happens quite a lot.
- The last season of Breaking Bad. We give it a try every few weeks but it is very hard to concentrate on the show when BabyZ is around. This show needs to be listened to and when she’s asleep I am usually so drained from an entire day of playing, dancing and cleaning that I don’t want to watch a show about crime, violence and gore.
The truth: I have pretty much forgotten everything that happened in the first five seasons. My brother will be disappointed.
- That braided hairstyle tutorial I watch on YouTube every time an event comes up and then never do it. Getting ready with a baby is very stressful, I have a hundred tasks to manage to ensure that BabyZ has everything she needs when we are out of the home. Also, she needs to be ready on time for a much-requested photo session for the entire family. I don’t have time to try the braid, maybe next time.
The truth: It is not as easy as it looks and my arms get tired.
- Every time I am in a bad mood and quarrel with The Husband over something silly. He comes over to me and asks, “What is wrong? Did she give you a hard time today?” My answer, always, “Yes she did.”
The truth: It is such a shame that I have stopped analyzing why I am upset. I always assume it is because I am a stay at home mom when there can be plenty of other reasons behind my bad mood. Maybe I just need chocolate.
- When I am suffering from writer’s block. Not that I consider myself a writer, but there are some days when I am unable to write a single coherent sentence. I blame this on my baby’s cuteness. She likes to sit under the table where I am working and play with my legs, so I leave everything and join her under the table. Days go by and I do not write anything because she’s so adorable and knows exactly how to hinder my creative writing process!
The truth: Let’s call a spade a spade. Writer’s block is simply writer’s block, nothing more. Happened all the time when I was working on my dissertation and I can’t blame my baby for that.
So my secrets are out and even though my baby is not always the cause of why I am impatient or my house isn’t tidy, she is always the reason why I giggle like a child, why I am deliriously happy when I wake up in the morning and why I want to improve myself as a human every day. And that is the truth.